I recently encouraged my friend who is going through a heartache to write her feelings down, my efforts brought out some touching wordings (yes, my friend bled her heart out) Enjoy xx
"Whoever's going to read this will
probably think that this love destroyed my life, but it is very probable that
by the time you get to read this, I will be over that person, and I wouldn't
even remember half of the things I'm feeling now, but until then, I will not
stop writing, I will not reread the lines, and I will not edit, until I feel
that every little shred of emotion my
alcohol sunken heart is feeling now is
shared with this blank page.
This is not a heartbreak.
You need to with someone to get
heartbroken; you need a break up. She didn't even grant me that. Fuck closure,
I didn’t even get a beginning.
I'm the girl with the umbrella when
the newscaster predicts clear skies, I am the person building a bomb shelter
during peace time; I over prepare for love. No, I am not being your average
pathetic, heart-broken girl who is so in love with that one person that she
would blame herself for everything that went wrong. It was in fact, no doubt,
my fault.
All I wanted is to be allowed to love
her, to adore her, to blow rose petals on her soft, creamy
skin, to stare into
her blank eyes, with a few words and a bottle of white wine between us.
All I
wanted to do is lay naked with her, leave my weightless fingerprints on her
pearly sides. Typing this down sounds ridiculously mundane for someone like me,
I despise romance, I despise the effort people put into romanticizing things
that look blank and ridiculous to an outsider.
How many times I've heard Robert Plant
singing "if the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you" in
my head while thinking about her.
This is a heart failure.
I was ridiculous!!! So ridiculous and
so delusional. At first I was me; logical and sensible. I knew what it was and
didn't ask for more, but it wasn't long before my tiny frontal lobe started
wandering off with silly ideas. Her frontal lobe is much bigger, I give her
that; she thinks logically, she doesn’t follow silly impulses; she's cold, and
strong and so beautiful…
Oh the times
I've tried to analyze this, to use the reason I throw in people's faces when discussing religion or politics, the same reason I've used in my previous
relationships that began and ended on my terms. But not this one, this woman
has left me Dazed and Confused, Trampled Underfoot, and every other Led
Zeppelin song title… She was the reasonable one;she was the Black Magic Woman
I got exactly
what I've been looking for; I was so tired of sweet, emotionally stable people,
I wanted mystery, unavailability and firmness. She was all that, but it
backfired and blew up in my naïve face.
Whoever's
reading this, I will not go into details of what took place and what lead to my
current state because you will not understand it, and frankly I don't want to
embarrass myself even more.
Song is over, thought I'd have something more to
say"
